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Archive for October, 2007

Commencement

The University of Pittsburgh has compensated for its earlier error of misplacing my transcripts from my application and has graciously accepted me into its halls of higher learning.
This January I shall embark upon the noble pursuit of a college degree, the acquisition of which I am sure will equip me for the future to which I am destined – one frought with potty training, PTA meetings, and one-pot casseroles – the likes of which I feel painfully unequal to without the guidance of formal education.
*Thus ends – for now – my nod to the Ivory Tower.*
Thank you, and let Insanity commence.

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I am a wretched delirious pile of pestilence. My head is twice its normal size and out of every facial orifice leaks unspeakable volumes of diseased fluids.
Surely I must perish.

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